Monday, July 26, 2010

"True Blood" - S03E06: Worst (meaning best) cliff-hanger of the season!

If this season were a novel in and of itself, this episode would be the climax. Here's what went down, and how I feel about it:

Eric pretends to be ga-ga-gay for King Russell in order to get closer to seeking revenge for his family's murder. The two pay a visit to Queen Sophie, as Eric renounces his loyalty to her and her kingdom. Eric makes it very clear to the King that he has no feelings for Sookie, nor any human, and that his allegiance lies with Mississippi.

Lafayette and Jesus get a little closer, but their evening is ruined by some homophobic Weres. To my surprise, Jesus comes to the rescue, snatching the baseball bat from the clutches of the trashy Were as Lafayette beats the crap out of him. Unfortunately, this is the part when Jesus discovers that Lafayette is selling V, and thus proceeds to demand to be taken home. Poor Lafayette! I really thought he was going to catch a break...

Sam makes a discovery of his own, learning that his mom and younger brother are not only shifters, but are used in local dog-fights to satisfy the gambling needs of Joe-Lee. He asks Andy for any tips to local raids, and he's off to find out why Tommy's been taken from him.

Jason and Jessica's side-stories are quite bland: Jessica glamours a diner at Merlotte's to hook Arlene up with a sweet tip, and then proceeds to feed on her in the bathroom; Jason attempts to bring flowers to Crystal, only to find that she's engaged and is playing stupid. Bor-ing.

Sookie's locked up in the plantation, that is until Tara decides to bash in the head of Franklin as he sleeps (a very bloody death, might I add). Tara rescues Sookie and the two make a run for it. Alcide shows up, and Tara plans to get his car to make the getaway. But once Sookie discovers Bill, bloodied and shredded at the hands of Lorena (commanded by the King to kill Bill), in the shed, the getaway is put on hold. The episode ends with Lorena chomping down on Sookie as she screams bloody murder.

My Death predictions for this season so far: 1 for 3 (Franklin is dead, right?). Lorena & King Russell are next, I hope.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Jason Bourne with a vagina? "Salt" dissapoints - C

After being tortured and beaten to a pulp, Evelyn Salt is released from a North Korean prison, thanks to the love of her German national boy-toy, Mike Krause. Flash-forward 2 years, and she's back at work in the C.I.A. interrogating a supposed defector of the Russian spy network. And (you've seen the trailer), he reveals that Evelyn is a *surprise* Russian spy! Oh no! What will she do?

She makes a run for it, of course!

Salt goes rogue: fashioning a bazooka out of some chemicals and a fire extinguisher, jumping onto moving semis on the freeway, making her way through underground tunnels and the like.

Once she succeeds in killing the Russian president in an attempt to frame America for a dastardly deed, she makes her way to a barge on the river to meet up with her fellow comrades. As children, they bonded in the super-spy training program, and Salt is welcomed with open arms...

That is, until she decides to kill those who ruined her life and forced her to become a spy. Sound familiar? Didn't Jason Bourne do the same thing? The only people Salt and Bourne trust are their naive partners, who, sadly, end up dead by the time the credits roll. Don't get involved with undercover spies, people!

*Sigh* My hero was sexy and badass, as she always is (love ya, Angie!). But I've seen this movie a dozen times before, and that 'twist' at the end came as no surprise to me. Why else would Liev Shrieber sign up to do this thing, unless his seemingly small role turned into a bigger one in the end? What a waste of Sabertooth.

You can afford not to see it in theaters. Put it in your Netflix queue or wait about 8 months till it comes out for rent.

Monday, July 19, 2010

"True Blood" - S03E05 : 'Sookeh is no longer mahn'

Here comes "Trouble". After a couple of ho-hum episodes, the ball is really rolling now.

Eric decides to head over to King Russell's plantation to clear the air about selling V. Unfortunately for him, King Russell knows he's lying. Eric must protect his child (the luscious Pam), and King Russell is sympathetic to his cause. King Russell and Eric both hate the Magistrate, so it looks like Eric's betrayal of his own kind may be forgiven, if King Russell can gain his assistance in usurping Queen Sophie's district.

We also learn a bit more about Mr. Northman's human past, as a horny Viking prince, unwilling to follow in his father's footsteps. That is, until, during a quiet dinner at home, Weres invade the Northman home and slaughter Eric's parents and court. A mysterious hooded figure appears, and tells Eric not to even try to attack him. It's believed that the mysterious man is King Russell...his control over the Weres to do his dirty work is prevalent in current time, not to mention the fact that Eric's father's Viking crown is put on display in King Russell's armory. Will Eric go after King Russell? When his father was dying in his arms, he tells Eric what to do: 'vengeance.'

Franklin and Tara are now bunking together at the plantation, and there is something seriously wrong with Frank. He's bat-shit crazy and morbidly obsessed with Tara. Although she tries to flee, Tara is caught by a Were, the day-time guard for King Russell. Frank freaks out on her, demanding to know why she left him. He's quite disturbed, and is planning to turn Tara into his vampire bride. (If Tara becomes a vamp, will she stop getting herself into trouble?!)

Back in Bon Temps, both Jason and Lafayette have new love interests. The dainty Crystal takes Jason for a romp in the wooded swamp and thus engages in some dirty, hot sex up against a mossy tree (so romantic, right?). She's not human, and Jason can sense it. Although she refuses to tell him her secret, I think she's some kind of Nymph or Fairy. Jesus, the care-taker for Lafayette's bitch of a mother, decides to stop by Merlotte's to take part in some good, old-fashioned voyeurism as Lafayette flips those juicy burgers. It's quite adorable, actually, and I really want Lafayette and Jesus to be together. Also, Hoyt takes another girl to Merlotte's while Jessica helplessly watches them...poor little redhead! Arlene and Terry move in together, and Terry's speech to Sam about falling in love will make you cry.

In the end, Bill winds up visiting Sookie as she stays with Alcide - he hears from the Were guard at the plantation that Sookie is banging Al. Sookie runs into his arms, as he tells her to get out of Jackson. He won't tell her why or what she's running from, but he makes it very clear that he will not be going with her. Their touching reunion is short-lived, much to my dismay.

The show is setting up for some gnarly shit...I predict that before the season is over, there will be 3 more deaths: Lorena, Franklin, & King Russell. The aforementioned names are merely predictions, but I would love to see all 3 of them dead. Deader than dead. Dead as a doornail.

Dear Chris Nolan, You Complete Me: "Inception" - A+

Originally, I was simply going to create a one-word review for this film. In giant letters, the word "FUCK." I really didn't know if I was going to able to write a full review for the BEST movie in recent years - yeah, it was that amazing.

I'm not going to sit here and explain to you the inner-workings of the subconscious or the theory of dreams. And the movie didn't do that either. Instead, it hypnotizes you, as you tumble down the rabbit hole with Dom Cobb (Leo DC) and his team. As dream infiltrators, the team must follow general rules and restrictions, which are NEVER broken in the film. Unlike 'The Matrix,' if one dies in the first level dream state, they are simply awoken in the real world; but if one dies in the third or fourth dream state (the deepest Dom is willing to go), then they end up in Limbo, waiting for 50 years in the dream state, while only a few days go by in the real world.

This movie was truly romantic. Dom's relationship with his wife, Mal (played by Marion Cotillard; gorgeous!) is the central plot. After spending years together in Limbo and building a forgotten city, upon their return Mal starts to lose it. She believesthat their children are not real. She believes that they are still in the dreaming state. Not able to cope with the sudden change in in his beloved wife, Dom must do something to give her peace of mind. After all, Dom tells the team not to fear the Inception, because he has done it once before.

Ok, I'm getting sick of trying to be eloquent. You want my honest opinion?

Christopher Nolan is a fucking genius. I have not been so emotionally involved in a film since I saw the midnight showing of 'The Fellowship Of The Ring'. Leo was amazing, but JGL and Marion Cotillard were the stars to me. I cried so fucking hard, TWICE. I walked out of the theatre, wondering if the world we live in is real. Any film that makes you question your own version of reality deserves all the praise and applause in universe.

Visually stunning, emotionally poignant, and perfectly cast. Please believe I'm going back to the theatre to see it again.

P.S. - A lot of people have a lot of questions about the film. I encourage you to find the answers on your own, because once you do, you just must pass out from the ideas that are planted into your mind.

Friday, July 16, 2010

"The September Issue" - Big shocker, Anna Wintour is as cold as ice: B-

I'm guilty of enjoying repeat episodes of "Project Runway" like any other girl, yeah. This fashion doc was an unscripted version of 'The Devil Wears Prada,' except that Anna Wintour hardly ever breathed fire.

No, unlike her counter-part (Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly), Anna prefers non-acknowledgment to out and out bitchiness. Not once did she look any of her fellow VOGUE employees directly in the eye, which I found amazing. How do you do that?!

So, big shocker: People in the fashion industry think that life is one big runway. Except for Grace Coddington, VOGUE's Chief Creative Director. She was the real star of this documentary - a former model and current guru of photoshoots. Although she's not behind the camera, Grace's ideas translated into pure works of art (especially her 20's shoot inspired by flappers). Sadly, many of Grace's ideas didn't go over well with Anna (another big shocker).

Amusing and ideal for the fashion-forward individual, this glimpse into the real world of VOGUE and its Stoic goddess is interesting and quite funny at times. But over all, I prefer Meryl to Anna...maybe because I want to believe that the Editor-in-Chief of the bible of fashion is to be feared. But Anna was quite soft, much like the message of the film: fashion is life.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

"True Blood" - S03E04: Franklin & Lorena have got to go

This week's episode was nothing short of awesome. Although, it was pretty hard to top Bill & Lorena's "Exorcist"-esque sex scene.

Sookie is beginning to become as annoying as ever, but thank goodness that her new Were escort, Alcide, is making up for it. He's pretty rad, but apparently still bent out of shape over his white trash turned wolf-banger girlfriend, Debbie. Aww, the big bad wolf can't handle a break-up :(

Tara has gotten herself into trouble again (it's really starting to get old) when she falls under the spell of Franklin, Clive Owen's retarded half-brother. His intentions aren't really clear, except that he must find Bill. Frank is a creepy vampire, not at all glamorous or sexy like his fellow blood-suckers, which is actually quite refreshing - it reminded me that vampires aren't always going to look like Eric Northman (why God? WHY?!)

I am really hoping that King Russell keeps up his end of the bargain and gives Bill the go-ahead to rip that bitch Lorena in half. I am so sick of her shit...Bill hates you, you stupid tramp! Just because you're way prettier (and sexier) than little Miss Stackhouse you think you can just swoop in on Bill?!

Sorry Sam, but I'm getting sick of you too. Maybe if you shifted into something cooler than an English Shepard, you might be a contender for the resident hottie of Bon Temps.

And yet ANOTHER fake sex scene between Eric and Sookie. Every time these two get into it, it turns out to be a dream. I must admit, when Sookie took off her clothes, I was surprised by her hot body...but it's just not working with the huge honker and tooth gap (sorry, Anna).

The episode ended, as usual, on a rather exciting note and now I'm stuck waiting another few days before the next episode. Watching this show as it airs is complete torture! I watched the first 2 seasons after they had aired, and I am convinced that I understand the troubles of meth addicts. Now, i have to be patient, just like everyone else.

Until next week, hooka!

Eerie, funny, overwhelmingly sad - "Moon" is reminiscent of 'Donnie Darko': A

Sam Rockwell, where have you been since "Matchstick Men?" Allow me to kiss you on the cheek and welcome you back.

Where to start with this thing. In the future, man learns to harvest lunar energy in order to keep Earth from almost-certain destruction. Like oil drillers, astronauts are shot up to the moon for a period of 3 years, while they fulfill their drilling contract with Lunar Industries. Sam Rockwell is said astronaut, who's starting to go a little crazy up there.

I don't want to give too much away, because, like 'Donnie Darko', there's definitely a major epiphany that slaps our protagonist in the face...and the unraveling of their sanity is crucial to fully understanding and enjoying the film.

Let's just say, don't think you're going crazy and seeing double.

Sam Rockwell can CRY. I mean, CRY. His normal character persona of sarcasm and snarkiness wouldn't hint to his ability to fucking act. He will break your heart in the film.

I really can't think of what to say. This movie has left me speechless, even though its been 5 days since I first watched it. The effects are lingering - proof of something amazing.

"Predators" remembers its roots: B

Let's get it out of the way: no one will ever make a Predator movie as well as John McTiernan. Ever. Not even Robert Rodriguez - but he did well, and paid homage to the awesomely cheesy, over-the-top testosterone-injected original.

Adrien Brody packed on the muscle and Morpheus packed on the chubb. Seriously...was it necessary to put Mr. Fishburne through this?! I love the guy, but no one will be able to leave the theater without wondering if that was the same drug-dealing badass who took out the Twins on the freeway.

Some key parallels that were much noticed and appreciated:

1) The return of the rail gun (yes! that sexy, wailing piece of French craftsmanship)

2) The strong, silent warrior who has the balls the face the Predator ALONE (in the newest version, a Yakuza pawn wielding a nice piece and a samurai sword)

3) The song at the end credits is the same song from the original that plays in the helicopter before the team gets dropped (you remember..."how bout a little pussy?")

Rodriguez introduced a new variety of Predator, with larger mandibles and about two feet taller than the original. Prepare yourself for a one-on-one Predator fight.

The planet that the soldiers land on is full of Pandora-like creatures, with huge teeth and webbed neck collars. A little cheesy, but a pretty refreshing twist on the plot.

Of course, it goes without saying there is a tinge of romance between Royce (Adrien Brody) and Isabelle (Alice Braga)...but alas, bloodshed always seems to get in the way of their first kiss.

Speaking of blood shed, this one is pretty mild. But of course, in a world full of "Hostel"s and "Saw"s, nothing really bothers me anymore. Not even someone's entire spine with the skull still attached being ripped from behind them. Nope, didn't even flinch.

So now that another Predator movie's been made that DIDN'T involve a sleepy mountain town or an annoying, Amazonian black woman, I'm pretty satisfied.
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