The Vault: "Labyrinth" [Blu-Ray]

"Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, 'cause it hurts like hell..."

I have fond memories of watching this movie before nap-time when I was in preschool. Don't ask me why the teachers thought it was a good idea. I mean, the music is amazing and it's a fun story to follow, but OMG - how many creepy creatures are in this thing?! It's no wonder why I turned out to be an unsuccessful, pot-smoking writer and film enthusiast...damn you and your wickedly awesome imagination, Jim Henson! You convinced me that adulthood is for pussies! Now I'm stuck here behind my netbook drinking coffee from 7-11 thinking I have it all figured out.

Sarah (played by a very young Jennifer Connelly), is fed up with her adult responsibility of caring for her infant step-brother. Oh drats! She accidentally summons the Goblin King (David Bowie) who steals her step-brother away in his castle at the center of the Labyrinth. Sarah encounters several strange creatures, perhaps not appropriate for toddlers:

- Hoggle, a nasty looking dwarf with a fetish for plastic
- The Worm, a cute British worm dressed to the nines in round glasses and an ascot
- Brownies who change the lipstick arrows mapping Sarah's path
- The Foxy Guards who love to 69 it
- The Door Knockers, who are obviously piercing-enthusiasts
- The Wiseman, armed with a taking bird for a safety helmet
- Birds who rip off their own heads and limbs all in the name of song and dance
- Ludo, the gentle giant who can summon rocks...WTF?!
- Sir Didymous, the fox who rides an English sheepdog

And of course...

David Bowie's terrible costume. It is a creature all on its own. I counted how many times Jareth's crotch was directly in view of the camera, zoomed in, sometimes facing the mouth of the other character facing him: 5. Really? And early on in the movie, when a 5-year old would still be awake to see it...

Anyway, it was a real trip watching this movie again. It looks amazing on Blu-Ray, and it's sold for a decent price @ Frye's. Enjoy!

"Jackass 3D" shocks and entertains - 3D was done right: B+

The boys are back in town!

Just when you think you've outgrown the outlandish antics of the Jackass crew, the third installment makes you realize that, like them, you'll probably never grow up. The movie opens with a surprise introduction from two very famous MTV icons...any guesses? (HINT: It's not Carson Daly or Daria).

In coordinating rainbow colors, the movie opens with the boys doing some pretty crazy stunts in "Time Warp" fashion. Think super-slow bullet time, but with paintball guns and very large fish.

"Jackass" is probably one of the only movie franchises that DOESN'T blow its wad in the trailers. The high-five is just the tip of the iceberg, but still remains my favorite part of the movie. Let's just say that when the Jackass crew asks you to bring in some hot soup on a plastic tray, you don't do it!

Without spoiling the movie too much, I'd like to make a short list of my favorite pranks:

1. The High Five
2. Rocky
3. Stun Gun Jailbreak
4. The Invisible Man
5. The Field Goal

It's not getting a perfect score from me, simply because there was too much human excrement for a normal person to handle. (I couldn't watch the turd volcano or the port-a-potty bungee). But other than that, "Jackass 3D" was pretty damn awesome. I hear that Dickhouse is going to release "Jackass 3.5", which will include all the stunts that didn't make it into the movie. (If you haven't watched "Jackass 2.5" rent it NOW!)

By the way, I was happy to hear from Johnny Knoxville on "The Daily Show" that the movie WAS shot with 3D cameras. So many movies are doing the whole post-production thing and it's completely terrible. So, go ahead and pay the extra dough to get the 3D glasses for this one: it's well worth it!

You Need To Watch This: "The IT Crowd"

Just got into Season 4 of my favorite British series, "The IT Crowd." If you've never heard of it, you fall into the category of most people here in the states. I'm not writing this to convince you to watch it, but I do want to share my enthusiasm for the show.

Moss, Roy, and Jen work for Reynholm Industries in the IT Department. The official greeting being, "Hello IT, have you tried turning it off and on again?" Roy (Chris O'Dowd) and Moss (Richard Ayoade) are the brains of the department. Moss is incredibly awkward and socially inept, while Roy dreams of a better life outside of IT. Jen (Katherine Parkinson) is the Supervisor, the only one of the three with absolutely no computer knowledge. The three of them together makes for perhaps the funniest satirical take on office life - something the Brits are really good at making fun of, vis-a-vis Ricky Gervais on "The Office".

The show is completely absurd, and will surely not get big over here any time soon. I really can't say enough for the show, show here's some of my favorite "IT Crowd" moments, thanks to YouTube:

Jen tries her hand at speaking Italian.

Moss figures out how to store his cell phone.

Roy goes on a date with chocolate on his head.