The Vault: "Labyrinth" [Blu-Ray]

"Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, 'cause it hurts like hell..."

I have fond memories of watching this movie before nap-time when I was in preschool. Don't ask me why the teachers thought it was a good idea. I mean, the music is amazing and it's a fun story to follow, but OMG - how many creepy creatures are in this thing?! It's no wonder why I turned out to be an unsuccessful, pot-smoking writer and film enthusiast...damn you and your wickedly awesome imagination, Jim Henson! You convinced me that adulthood is for pussies! Now I'm stuck here behind my netbook drinking coffee from 7-11 thinking I have it all figured out.

Sarah (played by a very young Jennifer Connelly), is fed up with her adult responsibility of caring for her infant step-brother. Oh drats! She accidentally summons the Goblin King (David Bowie) who steals her step-brother away in his castle at the center of the Labyrinth. Sarah encounters several strange creatures, perhaps not appropriate for toddlers:

- Hoggle, a nasty looking dwarf with a fetish for plastic
- The Worm, a cute British worm dressed to the nines in round glasses and an ascot
- Brownies who change the lipstick arrows mapping Sarah's path
- The Foxy Guards who love to 69 it
- The Door Knockers, who are obviously piercing-enthusiasts
- The Wiseman, armed with a taking bird for a safety helmet
- Birds who rip off their own heads and limbs all in the name of song and dance
- Ludo, the gentle giant who can summon rocks...WTF?!
- Sir Didymous, the fox who rides an English sheepdog

And of course...

David Bowie's terrible costume. It is a creature all on its own. I counted how many times Jareth's crotch was directly in view of the camera, zoomed in, sometimes facing the mouth of the other character facing him: 5. Really? And early on in the movie, when a 5-year old would still be awake to see it...

Anyway, it was a real trip watching this movie again. It looks amazing on Blu-Ray, and it's sold for a decent price @ Frye's. Enjoy!