Monday, February 7, 2011

The Vault: "Constantine" [Blu-Ray]

Talk about a movie that didn't get its due praise.

With only 46% on RottenTomatoes, "Constantine" has endured endless criticism for its messy script and overly-spectacular battle royale between heaven and hell. Keanu Reeves didn't get much love either, as many critics anointed him the worst possible choice for the elusive comic book character. The movie's accused of being a cheesy rip-off of "The Matrix" muddled with a tinge of "The Exorcist."

You know what? These critics can suck it.

This is the third time I've watched "Constantine," and I have to defend it! I seriously cannot think of any particular thing that makes this movie unwatchable. One RT critic claimed that it was "difficult to understand what Constantine is about[...]" Really, guy? It's not that hard to figure out: John Constantine has the ability to see and interact with demons, thus also having the ability to rid our world of them if necessary. Simple.

Richard Roeper exclaimed, "it's just so awful." What's so awful about it? It's a movie based on a comic, you asshole. Were you expecting an Oscar-worthy script? My gosh! For what it was meant to be, "Constantine" is a near-perfect movie. Keanu was perfectly cast - his natural stoicism and reluctance fit in with the John Constantine of the Vertigo series. Rachel Weisz was a great addition, as an actress who does very well against a male lead thanks to her subtle beauty and believability. And let's not forget about Peter Stormare and Tilda Swinton, who were dead-on as Satan and Gabriel. Also, on that note, it was very clever of Francis Lawrence to cast Swinton as the angel Gabriel - aren't angels supposed to be androgynous anyway?

The special effects were elaborate and cheesy at times, yes, but this is Constantine! He goes to hell and back battling demons and the son of Satan! Are critics really going to knock Lawrence for not making it look "real" enough? Knowing what some of these critics have to say about such awesome films, I wouldn't be surprised if they themselves made a trip or two to hell and sold teir souls to Satan for that extra $10,000 a year.

Here's what I want to get across to everyone: comic books have a made a huge comeback in the theater. The majority of these movies have been absolute crap - "Hellboy," "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen," "Spawn," "Jonah Hex," "The Punisher," "Superman Returns," etc. You can't honestly watch "Constantine" and believe that it belongs in this group of shitty-Mcshit-shit, can you?

"Constantine" is majorly badass. The movie did his character justice, and introduced a fresh perspective on the age-long battle for souls between God and Satan. The effects were awesome, the cast was fitting, and the overall mood of the movie gets you in the mood to kick some demon ass. I'm loving this movie.


  1. I watched this recently as well, although I saw it dubbed into French and I hate dubbing...
    Still it's entertaining enough, it's not like it's impossible to sit through due to it's awfulness... as is the case with The Punisher and some of the others you mentioned!

    So I agree with your review, which was well written and entertaining!

  2. It's not a bad film at all taken in its own context. What makes it for me are the minor characters who create a complex mystical community. I'll disagree with you about hellboy by the way, but agree with practically everything else you said.

    The film's problem is it fell between two schools. The critics were never going to like it. The fanboys who usually take up the banner of films like this were aghast that it wasn't "their" constantine. So without support it has gotten fairly well slapped around.

    it's unfair, but that's the film world sometime.

    Lazarus Lupin
    art and review

  3. Ever since CONSTANTINE, when I think of Satan I think of Peter Stormare [well, him and Mark Pellegrino from SUPERNATURAL]. He was so captivating and freakin' creepy.

    Now, I loved the movie, but for some stupid reason I decided to read the novelization before seeing it in theaters (I was super giddy), and with the novel in mind, the film just didn't live up to it. However, with time, I have come to appreciate and dig the flick even more. And, as you said, definitely wants me to kick some demon ass. Or cower in the corner and watch stronger, more mature people do it while I'm all safe like.

  4. I love the visual and special effects of this film. And it's starred one of my fave actresses Rachel Weisz :)


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