Friday, February 25, 2011

[f.g.i.] Presents: Types Of Women Men Would Probably Avoid in Real Life

I'm sick and tired of watching romantic comedies or dramas that focus on a young man's desire to be with that girl. You know the type: pretty, quirky, intelligent, possibly a bit of a whore, free-spirited, with a devil-may-care attitude. The movie gods favor such characters because they make for a really good love story, and we're gullible enough to believe that such couples will live happily ever after.

So for my own amusement (and hopefully yours too), I've created a list of characters that, in my opinion, probably wouldn't be marriage-material. Enjoy!

1. Alice, "Closer" [played by Natalie Portman]
Ahh yes, the reluctant stripper complex. She's still doing it to pay her bills but she feels dirty inside and all she wants is a normal life. She's sexy, she's pretty, and she's broken. Probably not the best choice for a life-long partner, right? The sex will probably be out-of-this-world, true; but, as many successful couples know, sex won't keep you together. Do you really want your baby suckin' milk from those bad boys?


2. Summer, "(500) Days of Summer" [played by Zooey Deschanel]
She claims to not want anything serious, but she continues to open up to you and treat you like her sweetheart. And then, on a whim, she decides that you're "just friends" and ends up getting engaged to some other dude despite her whole "I'm not looking for anything serious" speech! She might be cute and smart, but she will fuck you over and break your heart. Beware the Zooey!


3. Danielle, "The Girl Next Door" [played by Elisha Cuthbert]
So, she's the sweetest thing you've ever seen. Then a buddy of yours tells you she was (is?) a porn star. Do you reel back in disgust at the thought of this beautiful angel being a fuck-for-hire? Emile Hirsche didn't care, but I think you would think twice about getting serious with this piece of meat.


4. Clementine, "Eternal Sunshine..." [played by Kate Winslet]
She's intellectual and deep. Not traditionally hot or sexy, but her face glows and her eyes sparkle. She is eccentric yet feisty. And, she's bat-shit crazy. I mean, the moodiest person you've ever known. But, you cling to the idea that she will overcome it some how. Oh man, was Jim Carrey mistaken.


5. Lilu, "The Fifth Element" [played by Milla Jovovich]
She's the only hope for mankind but she's lost and confused and you want to take her under your wing and see her mission through to completion. Along the way, you fall in love with the gorgeous super-being. And somehow, you teach her what it means to "feel." I think most men would prefer not to be with the biggest bad-ass civilization has ever seen. That would be a large amount of pride to swallow, and most dudes would choke to death.


**Can you think of any more? Please share!**

6 comments:

  1. Great list, enjoyed reading it. Also an interesting point, I wanted to think up another film type for this idea, but can't do it right now.

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  2. Um, you neglected Alex Forrest because...?

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  3. @ MovieNut14: You are absolutely right. She's probably the worst of em all!

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  4. I know one I had recently watched ; Anne Hathaway in Love and Other Drugs. She's free spirited and talk forward, pages Jake Gylenhaal whenever she needs to do it (???).
    interesting post though, because these types of girls are most likely the leading character for romantic comedy these days :D

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  5. Ahaha great post! Would have loved to see this go to 10 :) I would probably add any/all of Katherine Heigl's character in there. So stuck up!

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  6. I've just installed iStripper, so I can watch the best virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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