"The Green Hornet" is a lackluster superhero romp with no soul: D+

I have so many things to bitch about when it comes to Gondry's remake of "The Green Hornet," I really don't know where to start.


Let me start off by addressing the issue of casting: Whose brilliant idea was it to ruin the promising career of Christoph Waltz? I mean seriously! He was so amazing in "Inglourious Basterds," I mean, he won an Oscar for that shit! Why, oh why, is he stooping down to Rogen's level in this disaster of a role? 'Chudnofsky?!' Really, guys? And the lovely Tom Wilkinson! Why the hell did he agree to this stupid movie? And don't get me started on the Asian popstar invasion - first, Rain appeared in "Ninja Assassin," and now Jay Chou is attempting to fill the boots of Bruce *effing* Lee?! It can't be that hard to find decent Asian actors in America who can perform martial arts stunts...is it? I'm so over Cameron Diaz, by the way. She looked like hell in the movie, and I'm convinced that she's riding the coat-tails of that flashy smile of hers, whose non-existence would render her a waitress at Red Robin.

Seth Rogen should stick to writing, and not for himself. In the Apatow days, Rogen is just a guy in the group with an affinity for toilet humor and bong tokes. He should keep it that way. In movies like "Pineapple Express," "The 40-Year Old Virgin," and "Knocked Up" he's a very loveable character, and seems like a pretty cool guy. Enter "The Green Hornet," and all of a sudden the stoner-next-door I used to love is selling out, dropping some pounds, and working with the likes of Michel Gondry? What has happened to my world? The stoner humor doesn't work for a superhero, bro! If you're the heir to a million-dollar newspaper and your asshole tycoon daddy drops dead, I would expect you to show some emotion. If you're Seth Rogen, the king of stoners, the little Canadian that could, the beacon of light for the young and nerdy, the party animal, you stay away from roles that require depth. It's that simple.

Needless to say, the action was mediocre. Gondry's attempt to make scenes look like comic panels jumping off the screen in 3D was met with boredom. This movie shouldn't have been in 3D. There was no point to it! I don't know if Jay Chou did his stunts or not, but some scenes with Kato were pretty cool - just not enough to save this movie from certain doom. The car was also a highlight. Bleh.

When the credits started to roll and I made my way out of theater, I just kept thinking, 'I can't believe that was it.' What a way to start the new year. I sure hope that 2011 has more in store for me than this bullshit.