[f.g.i] Presents: 5 Things I Will Never Do (Thanks To The Movies)

...Get on a public bus in Los Angeles
The movie that did it: "Speed"
What? You think I'm crazy? The Los Angeles that you see in movies isn't too far off from the truth, you know. I recently took a trip to L.A. and let me tell you, it's not that pretty - and the people can be scary as hell.


...Take a roadtrip through New Mexico
The movie that did it: "The Hills Have Eyes"
There's no doubt that roadtrips can be a fun experience. A couple years ago, I took a trip up the California coast and it was one of the best vacations ever. But travelling through the eerie deserts of New Mexico is not on my bucket list. "The Hills Have Eyes" convinced me that the safest bet is to fly over the damn thing. This movie really disturbed me, and I have images of those nasty bastards burned in my brain.


...Throw food out of the window while driving
The movie that did it: "Anchorman"
It's one of the funniest scenes in the movie, when Burgundy throws his half-eaten burrito out of his window and hits motorcycle enthusiast Jack Black in the face. I would never think of doing it, unless I saw that there was nobody around. But Black's reaction was enough to convince me that road rage is a real thing, and unless I want something precious of mine kicked over the side of the Coronado bridge, I should probably have some sort of trash bag in the car.


...Give up in a fight
The movie that did it: "True Romance"
You want to talk about girl power? Screw the Spice Girls, watch the fight between Alabama and Virgil in "True Romance." I really thought this chick was done for - how much can a woman take, right? Well, Patricia Arquette proved to me that staying strong and using your surroundings could work to your advantage. Wine bottle opener? Check. Shower gel? Check? Hairspray and lighter? Check. Toilet cover? You bet your sweet ass.


...Trust the government
The movie that did it: "Collapse"
I try not to think about the practices and policies of our government. I'm a sort of conpiracy-theory enthusiast, and I think politicians are full of crap. The 2009 documentary "Collapse" pretty much convinced me that my lack of faith has some ample ground to stand on.